Part 276: Open Book
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The contents of the pages that Britannia had spilled all over the dining room floor reminded Cassandra to keep her temper in check. She was determined to handle this situation calmly, not the way her mother would have done it. Still, she couldn't resist asking Britannia just one not-so-nice question: "Did Leroy put you up to this?"
"Please don't be mad at me!" Britannia was crying as she picked up the loose sheets of paper and stuffed them into various notebooks.
"Forget the mess," Cassandra told her. "I'll clean it up later. But I need to know now—did Leroy tell you to read my notebooks?"
"It was my idea! I have a right to know what's in there! Daddy had nothing to do with it!"
Cassandra let the matter drop, although she was sure Britannia was lying. "If you wanted to know what I was writing about, all you had to do was ask," she said softly. "I was going to let you read the book before it got published. There's a lot in here that we need to discuss before it goes on the market and--"
"You mean all that stuff about how you used to take drugs and flash your boobs at tennis players? And how you cheated on Daddy?"
Cassandra held her breath. "Exactly how much did you read?"
"The whole thing—almost." Britannia stared down at the stack of papers on her lap.
"And you did this all in one night?"
Britannia shook her head no.
"Leroy's behind this, isn't he? I should have known! I should have kept those papers locked up!"
"No, it wasn't Daddy! It was me! This is all *my* fault, not his! Why won't you listen to me?"
"Because I know you're covering for him. Because I know he'll do *anything* to make sure this book never sees the light of day. Well, the next time you see him, you can reassure him that I haven't given away any of his nasty little secrets."
"I already told him," Britannia admitted. "But he didn't believe me."
"So he knew you'd been reading my book?"
Britannia stiffened. "Yes, but he didn't tell me to read it! In fact, he told me I shouldn't read it because I'm too young. And he was right about that." She glared at Cassandra. "How could you do all those terrible things?"
"I made a lot of mistakes," Cassandra answered honestly. "My parents didn't exactly prepare me for life in the real world. I had to learn everything the hard way. And I had to figure it all out on my own because there was nobody to help me. At least, not any normal people."
"Your parents... Were they really that bad? Did your mother—my grandmother—really beat you and tell you that you were stupid all the time?"
Oh, God. Cassandra didn't want to talk about this now. "Yes."
"And you didn't learn how to read until you were grown up?"
"I was functionally illiterate—I could read a little, but not well enough to get by."
"That's why you make me go to school." Cassandra could feel Britannia's hand touching hers. "That's why you don't want me to skate."
"I don't want you to grow up the way I did." Cassandra reached over and hugged her daughter close. "I want everything to be better for you. And for your brother. I know it hasn't been perfect. You've been through two divorces and--"
Britannia pulled away. "How could you cheat on Daddy?"
"He doesn't love me, Britannia. He never did. And he cheated on me first." If Britannia was going to know the truth, Cassandra figured it was best if she heard the whole story.
"No... Daddy would never do a thing like that!"
"Britannia." Cassandra gently held her daughter's chin, forcing the child to look her in the eye. "Your father is gay."
Britannia rolled over in bed, keeping her eyes shut tight. She could hear her mother talking to someone downstairs. Something, something... Asthma attack... Really bad this time... Breathing machine... Drive Alasdair to school... Something, something at the literacy center... Home by ten thirty at the latest...
A man's voice mumbled something in response. It sounded like Bob Cunningham.
"I don't think she'll wake up until I'm back." Britannia could hear her mother more clearly now. "She hardly slept at all last night."
More mumbles from Uncle Bob.
"I don't know," said Britannia's mother. "But if Leroy calls, just let the machine answer. I'll deal with him later." A few minutes later, Britannia heard her mother and Axel driving away.
Uncle Bob... Did Britannia's mother ask him to come specifically because he had a gay son and belonged to that group for gay people's families? Or was Uncle Bob here because there wasn't anybody else who could look after Britannia on such short notice? Either way, she wanted to talk to him. But first, she put on a bathrobe—her nightshirt was so flimsy and it made her boobs stick out. Not that Uncle Bob would stare at her the way the boys at school sometimes started. Still, Britannia wanted to cover herself up.
"How are you feeling, honey?" Uncle Bob asked as Britannia entered the living room.
"I'm OK, I guess."
"Your mom won't be gone long. She just had to take your brother to school and then do one session at the literacy center. But if you're not well, I'm supposed to call and she'll come right home."
"No. I'm fine." After last night, Britannia needed some time away from her mother. She wouldn't have even minded going to school.
"You hungry? I could make breakfast..."
"I'm not really hungry. Maybe I'll fix myself a piece of toast later." Britannia hadn't been eating breakfast lately. The morning routine at this house was so rushed that her mother didn't notice that Britannia just picked at her food before throwing most of it away. And when Britannia stayed at her daddy's house, he never forced her to eat breakfast. He agreed it was a good idea for her to start watching her weight now, before it got to be a problem.
"You like the Today Show?" Uncle Bob asked as Britannia sat down beside him on the couch. "I can change the channel if there's something else you'd rather watch."
"This is good," said Britannia. "Sometimes they have skaters on."
"Yeah, Reece has skated on the Today Show quite a few times."
"Uncle Bob..." Britannia hesitated. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, honey, you go right ahead."
"How did you find out that Reece is gay?"
Uncle Bob didn't answer right away. "Well..." He took a sip of coffee. "Well, it was sort of a gradual process. It's not like he came home from skating practice one day and make a big announcement. I more or less figured it out for myself long before we ever talked about it. Actually, I blurted it out one day when we were having an argument. That's how Reece found out that I knew."
"You and Reece had an argument?" Britannia couldn't believe it. Uncle Bob and Reece got along so well.
"Yes, we argued a lot back in those days," Uncle Bob admitted.
"Because you didn't want Reece to be gay?"
"No, by that time I had learned to accept it. We argued because I didn't want him doing something foolish."
"Did Reece ever pretend he had a girlfriend?"
"He went out with a few girls from the rink when he was a teenager. They'd go to the movies or hang out at the mall. But they were just friends, nothing more than that." Uncle Bob took another sip of coffee. "Of course, things changed the year Reece won his Olympic gold medal. Right before and right after the Olympics, the American Skating Organization made sure he was seen in public with all sorts of pretty girls, including your mother. Anj and Jerry Liffman did pretty much the same thing after Reece turned pro. He and Larissa worked together a lot and they got to be good friends, but the Liffmans did all they could to make it look like it was something more than that."
"Because they knew Reece and Larissa were both gay?"
"Nobody knew about Larissa then," said Uncle Bob. "I don't think Larissa herself was one hundred percent sure at that time. She was still a kid. Anj and Jerry wanted to Americanize her as quick as possible, and they wanted the public to forget all the bad stuff that had happened to her in Russia. And Reece and Larissa did look cute together—on the ice and off the ice."
"Did the Liffmans want them to get married?"
"Oh, no. Reece once told me he would have married Larissa if she needed it to stay in this country. It didn't come down to that—some politician saw to it that Larissa got her green card right away. But no, the Liffmans aren't in the business of arranging marriages. It wouldn't have lasted, anyhow. Reece and Larissa liked each other. They might have even had a little crush on each other. But that's not enough to keep a marriage going. And Larissa was too young."
Was this what had happened to Britannia's daddy? Did he once have a crush on her mother? Did he marry her because he wanted to help her somehow? And it didn't last because it wasn't enough? Or Britannia's daddy was too young?
"Sometimes gay men do get married to women," Britannia heard herself say. "But I don't understand why."
"Each one has his own reasons, I suppose." Uncle Bob drank up the rest of his coffee and set the cup on the coffee table. Britannia liked talking to him like this. He answered her questions as if she were at least a teenager, if not an adult. She was sure he was leaving out a lot of important stuff, but she was also sure that he would never lie to her.
"What kind of reasons?"
"Family pressure, for one."
Britannia was sure her daddy was not under any family pressure to get married. Not to Britannia's mother, anyway. Mrs. Donahue hated her.
"Some gay men think marrying a woman will make them turn straight," Uncle Bob continued. "Others want to have kids. Or they get married because they think having a wife will help their career. Then there are religious reasons..."
"Does the wife know the guy's gay?"
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. And sometimes she thinks it's just a phase or that she can change him."
"My daddy is gay," Britannia told Uncle Bob. "Did you know that?"
"Your daddy?" Uncle Bob sat up straight. "Are you talking about Leroy? Or Mitch Cleveland?"
"Leroy. My mom told me about him last night." Britannia started to cry.
"Aw, honey, I had no idea..." Britannia could feel Uncle Bob's hand on her back. "Is that what made you have that asthma attack?" She nodded. "I'm so sorry, darling. I mean, it's OK that your daddy is gay. He is who he is and there's nothing to be sorry about there. But it must've been hard for you to hear about it."
"Why didn't *he* tell me?" Britannia wanted to know. "I feel like he's been lying to me all this time!"
"He's probably not ready to talk about it," said Uncle Bob. "For some people, it takes a long time."
"But he always tells me everything!"
"Honey, I don't know... But he does love you. That I do know."
"Maybe he doesn't love me," said Britannia. "Maybe he's faking it like he did when he married my mother."
"Britannia, your daddy *does* love you," Uncle Bob insisted. "That could be why he didn't tell you. Maybe he's afraid you'll stop loving *him*?"
No, that would never happen. Britannia would always love her daddy.
"Now I know why he doesn't want my mother's book to get published," she muttered. "And now I know why he's so scared he might lose custody of us."
"It explains a lot?"
"Yeah," Britannia told Uncle Bob. "It explains a lot."
Leroy stopped Liddy Bell as soon as she climbed off the tour bus. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked her.
"Sure." Liddy smiled as Leroy took her by the hand and led her away from the rest of the skaters. She had liked him for years, and it was obvious that she still did.
"I was wondering..." Leroy paused. "I've got four tickets to the Pistons game and I was wondering if you would like to go with me. And my kids."
"The Pistons game?" Liddy looked confused.
"The Detroit Pistons—they're a basketball team. They play at the Palace of Auburn Hills. You've skated there before."
"Oh, yes, I'll go! I'm afraid I don't know much about basketball, but perhaps you could teach me."
Leroy didn't know much about basketball, either. But the Pistons games were a good place for a local celebrity to be seen and Leroy wanted to be seen with a female date. Liddy was pretty enough, and she had a pleasant, easygoing personality. She also lived and trained in England, which gave Leroy a perfect excuse to keep their relationship casual and non-sexual.
"Maybe we could have dinner sometime, too?" said Leroy. "We'll grab a bite to eat when we go to the game, of course, but I can't take my son into a five-star restaurant. So I was thinking we could go someplace nice when we're in Chicago next week. That is, if you want to."
Yes, of course she wanted to. Tammy Sue would be livid when she found out about this. Liddy was one of her best friends on this tour and Leroy could hear her now, begging Leroy not to use Liddy as a beard. But between Cassandra's book and the Olympics, Leroy had to work on his public image.
Liddy was exactly what he needed.
Text Copyright © 1997-2004 Jennifer Lyon
